Again - Lavashipping
by KelpHero47
Summary: Based on the song 'Again' by Araki and Crusher-P. Kai falls on hard times as the other person inside his head takes drastic action to ruin his life. Hopefully Cole isn't too late to do anything about it... Cover by Shelbot98 on Devinatart


**_This is my first Lavashipping fanfiction and my first songfic so do tell me what you think. Hope you enjoy._**

Again – Lavashipping

 _'I haven't been myself lately._

It had always been in itch at the back of my mind. Small. Yet recently I can feel it more than usual, like a kettle about to boil over.

Or should I say **They**.

 _I don't blame you for not wanting to stay._

 _Saying things that I don't mean,_

 _not meaning what I say_

People say that we all have a darker side but what happens when that side is another person entirely, yet someone who's a part of me. Sometimes it's a simple change in demeanour or speech while other times I'm missing parts of my memory. All of those times however, they scare me. They must scare the others as well.

 _When it's good, it's so good._

 _When it's bad, it's SO BAD._

 **They** haven't surfaced in a while, not since the Elemental Tournament where I'd apparently threatened Lloyd with Chen's staff (I feel sick just thinking about it, he's my brother... I just can't-). It hurts to fight them at this point, to shut out someone who is constantly whispering inside your own head. I have to though... For my family.

 _What am I supposed to say when I end up driving everyone away?_

It's always been the same. I find people who accept me, faults and all, but **They** take overto ruin it all. **They** want me to be alone, saying I don't need anyone else. **They** drive away the people I grow to care about, in fact I always wonder why Nya has stuck around me for this long, and I know it's my fault. I'm selfish for wanting to have other people in my life.

 _And you're never coming back,_

 _And I'm not okay with that_

 _And I should've never let myself get attached._

Especially to him... Cole.'

Kai sighed as he closed his diary, he'd read that writing down one's worries helps you deal with them, but he still felt terrible. The very thought of the earth ninja made his stomach hurt. He never wanted to fall in love. It would just end in injury, like always.

 **'And that's the good bit.'**

Kai winced as the thought crossed his mind, he hated himself so much. He just wanted them to stop talking.

 **'The day that happens you really will be alone, wimp.'**

The insults had become a re-occurring thing as of recent, this was one of the tamer ones. Kai chuckled dryly to himself. He knew if **They** left he would probably have more friends, he would be even closer to his family to Cole.

 **'That f**khead again?! Just shut up about him already. We both know you the only you deserve is already here, inside your head.'**

He thought about the team, who they were to him. How all of them had fought together as a family, to continue to be a family.

 **'You're lying to yourself, they're no family of yours and you know it.'**

Kai scoffed, this was getting ridiculous. "Just shut up for once, I'm fed up listening to you." He muttered before placing the diary on his bedside table and laying down on his bed, "You don't know me or them, so stop talking.

 **'I know you better than anyone... And the fact I have to remind you just proves how stupid you are.'**

…

 **'Maybe you just need to be reminded harder.'**

"What do you-" For Kai, everything went black.

*Time skip*

Morning came all too abruptly for Kai, he was awoken by a sharp pain running up his arms. The fire ninja almost cried when he opened his eyes to see the source of said pain. Large burns stretched across the expanse of his arms from shoulder to wrist. His joints screamed as he tested each one, his elbow even began to bleed as the skin was torn and cracked.

Kai snapped his attention away from his arms as he heard movement outside his door. Hastily he grabbed a hoodie and threw it on to cover his burns. He left his room to head for the bathroom ignoring everyone on the way there, they would only find out.

 **'They're going to anyway, why prolong the inevitable? Them finally learning the truth about freaky, little Kai. The fire ninja who burns himself.'**

"This was you, not me." Kai ground out as he entered his destination. He carefully peeled off the hoodie from where it had absorbed the blood and stuck to his cuts. Then he removed his now sleeveless short, grimacing at the black ends of the fabric.

The fire ninja hated himself so much right now. What his powers could do.

 **'But just like me, they are a part of you. Destructive, and they will eventually drive everyone away from you... And it will be all your fault.'**

"Shut up!" Kai snapped quickly turning on the cold tap in front of him, "You're wrong."

 **'Keeping telling yourself that.'**

Kai ignored them as he plunged his right arm into the cold water. Without meaning to, he screamed at the knife-like sensation it caused to crawl up his arm. He clamped his left hand over his mouth but he knew it was already too late. Kai whimpered as the sudden movement of his left arm tore more of the skin.

Running, or at least the sound of it, met his ears to come to a stop in front of the bathroom door. He felt a tear slip down his cheek as someone tried the door handle only to discover it was locked. At least they cared enough to try. The voice that followed made him want the floor to swallow him up right then and there, "Kai? Is that you?"

A beat or two passed before he replied through the lump in his throat, "Y-Yeah, it's me."

"Are you okay? I heard you yell from down the hall." Cole's voice held such genuine worry, Kai almost thought about opening the door but a glance over his arm stamped out those ideas.

"I'm fine... I just fell over the... Shower curtain?" Kai wanted to slap himself for sounding so uncertain.

"...Alright." Cole spoke with badly concealed reluctance, "Oh, Zane's almost done with the breakfast so hurry up before Lloyd eats all the bacon again. You complained last time."

"Don't be a hypocrite Cole, you did too." Kai let out a shaky laugh when he heard the other chuckle.

"Well anyway, hurry up with whatever you're doing." With those words Cole's footsteps began down the hall before becoming too quiet to hear. Kai waited for him to be far enough away so that he could slide to the floor with his back resting on the wall.

 _I am on fire_

 _A crying, burning liar_

From his seat on the ground he could still see himself in the mirror above the sink. Kai watched as tears rolled down his face before falling onto the burns still littering his arms.

 _Seeing nothing, nothing but myself_

 _And I'm the one with the lighter_

 **'You're pathetic, and now you even lie to him. You did this to yourself, you know that, right? Getting attached and forgetting about me.'**

Kai sniffled in response as he curled up into a ball on the floor. He was alone, alone with himself. Everything he hated. His powers were his strength but even those could hurt him now. The fire ninja whimpered as he stood up using his arms.

 _Every inch of me is charred_

 _God, what happened to my heart?_

He looked at himself in the mirror once again. Forcing a smile, Kai began to fix his hair until he was satisfied with it. He ignored the red, puffy circles around his eyes to stare directly into them. They were telling the whole story. Deciding not to dwell on that fact he left the bathroom. No-one else had to know.

 _I'm about to fall apart_

 _Again, again_

He could deal with them on his own.

*Time skip*

Kai had chosen to skip breakfast, much to the confusion of his family. He had spent the time carefully wrapping bandages around his arms before slipping on a new hoodie to hide them. He planned to staying confined to his room for the rest of the day, the others didn't need to see him like this. But, of course things never work out like that.

A knock at his door broke Kai out of his staring contest with the ceiling. He kept quiet hoping whoever it was thought he was asleep yet they spoke instead. "Kai? Can I come in?"

It was Cole. Of course, it was Cole.

He responded with a short, strained noise which him want to hide in shame. "I'll take that as a 'yes'." Cole slid the door open with a worried look on his face. He was so considerate.

 **'You don't deserve him though, do you?'**

Kai curled in on himself as Cole walked over to sit next to him on the bed, "Hey."

"Hey..." He tried to give the other a smile but it must not have been very convincing as Cole's eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"What are you doing in here all alone?" Cole glanced around the room before focusing back on the fire ninja. "You didn't even come to breakfast."

"I know..." He sighed meeting the others gaze to see nothing but concern and something he couldn't quite place. "It's just I wasn't very hungry."

"Oh, okay." Cole smiled making Kai's insides twist in self-hatred, he didn't deserve to be lied to.

 **'And yet here you are, doing just that. Too afraid of what he might think, well he isn't worth the worry. You mean nothing to him. Not now, not ever.'**

"Hey Kai, can I tell you something?" Kai re-focused on his companion to find him looking hopefully towards him.

"Uh... Sure, go ahead, you can tell me anything." He smiled as the earth ninja sighed in relief, this must be important.

 **'I doubt it.'**

"So... Uh... I've been meaning to tell you this for a while now and... I thought that you should know that... Um..." Cole fidgeted in his seat, his face a light pink.

 **'Will he just get on with it already!'**

Kai choice to not grace that with a response as he put a comforting hand on his friend's knee, "It's okay, just calm down for a second and breath." He watched quietly as Cole looked him straight in the eyes. He let the other raise a hand to his face to brush a thumb across his cheek. It was gentle, intimate.

 **'You don't deserve this.'**

Maybe he could enjoy this for a second as Cole brought their face closer together. Kai blushed bright red when their nosed bumped, they were so close. He saw the earth ninja watching him through half-lidded eyes as he spoke, "Can I?"

"Can you what?" Kai felt he knew the answer but needed to hear it himself.

"Can I kiss you?" Cole's eyes darted to his lips before meeting his gaze again, "Please."

"Yes." Kai breathed out as a lump re-appeared in his throat.

 **'NO!'**

Before their lips could touch, Kai's world was engulfed in black once again.

*Time skip*

When Kai was able to see again he wished he wasn't. The sight that greeted him was his room decorated his scorch marks on every surface imaginable. His bed in ruin, closet with a giant hole in the middle of it, his ceiling light torn down. But what shocked him most was the sight of Cole looming over him panting in exhaustion, his clothing littered with similar scorch marks to the walls, as he pinned Kai's arms beside his head.

It burned so much.

Kai felt tears gather in the corner of his eyes as he met Cole's gaze. If eyes really were the window into the soul Cole's was broken, completely shattered. He couldn't bear to think about what had just happened. It was all his fault. "Kai-"

"Get off me!" Kai screamed to cut the other off making it easier to throw him off when he jumped in surprise. He stumbled to his feet and threw the door open without looking back despite the renewed sensation of his arms being torn apart. He ran. He ran until he was off the Bounty and so far into the forest surrounding their home he couldn't see it anymore.

 _What's done is done,_

 _And nothing's gonna change_

He slowed down at a small clearing illuminated by nothing but pure moonlight. It was so beautiful. It was so unlike him. He could only destroy or be destroyed, today had proven that. He must hate me so much now.

 **'He does.'**

 _I should be moving on,_

 _But I still feel the same._

 **'I made sure of that.'**

Kai felt dread pool in the pit of his stomach at those words, "What'd you do?!" He screamed gripping his hair and falling to his knees.

 **'I showed him what your fire can really do. Hurt people. Hurt him. He, of course, fought back, the idiot. But it didn't take long to burn him and everything else you seem to think you deserve.'**

"Why?!" He felt more tears fall down his face in hot waves, prickling against the cold of his skin in the night air. A breeze went by to act like knives against his re-burned skin, now uncovered without their bandages. "Why do you always do this?!"

 _And it's like everyday_

 _Is a fight for my life_

 _To get some self-control_

 **'Because you don't deserve anything else, you never have! That's why your parents left, why you gave up so much to raise Nya by yourself, why you have to risk your life to save others you will never meet. You are nothing!'**

 _And when you've forgotten who I am,_

 _It just feels, it just feels..._

 _I'm nobody at all_

Kai felt as if time around him stood still, no sound and no feeling. He felt his perspective shift to the point he knew he had fallen on his side. He was numb. **They** had stopped talking.

 _I lost myself_

 _Hitting the ground_

 _I tried to scream_

 _And made no sound_

He watched as his hands lit up with his fire to see the flames dance in front of him. Mocking him. He held the power to destroy within his palm. The power to only destroy. The others could make things with their powers, sculptures, bridges, rivers, mountains, working machinery. They could do it all while he couldn't. He was nothing. Kai sighed as he let his hand fall to the ground.

 _I should have known it was no use_

 _To try and run from_

 _the cycle of abuse, the cycle of abuse_

The grass around him set alight so he could extinguish his hand. He proceeded to rest both of them on his chest as he lied on his back to look at the sky. At least his final moments would be quiet. Kai felt the flame's heat brush against his side and accepted it. This was his fire. A part of him. A part that will destroy him just like every other part of himself.

 _I am on fire_

 _A crying, burning liar_

 _Seeing nothing, nothing but myself_

 _And I'm the one holding the lighter_

 _Every inch of me is charred_

 _God, what happened to my heart?_

 _I'm about to fall apart_

 _Again, again_

 _And you're never coming back_

 _And I'm not okay with that_

 _And I should've never let myself get-_

The smell of smoke was his only comfort as his skin began to burn all over again. He screamed. Cried out to anyone who would hear and listen to every bit of his pain being released through a single sound.

 _Every inch of me is charred_

 _God, what happened to my heart?_

 _I'm about to fall apart_

 _Again, again_

 _And you're never coming back_

 _And I'm not okay with that_

 _And I should've never let myself get attached_

"Kai!" The fire ninja didn't have the energy to face whoever was calling him. He just wanted everything to stop. Kai registered strong arms wrapping around his body, "Oh god, your arms... What happened? Why are you doing this? Kai!" He gave up on listening to whoever was talking and let the black take him again. Hopefully for the last time.

*Time skip*

Kai sighed when he opened his eyes to what he could tell was the Bounty's below deck ceiling. His head was killing him. It was as if he'd been hit over the head with a bat repeatedly to the point his skull wanted to cave in on itself. He sat up and held his head in his hands, as if it would relieve the pain at all, only to find his arms had once again been wrapped in bandages.

Someone cared.

He winced at his own thoughts. He waited for the impending insulting response to his moment of hope but none came. Kai finally registered the lack of itching deep within his head. It felt empty. Had **They** left?

Without realising it he allowed fresh tears to roll down his face. He was alone in his own head again. He was alone. Kai looked around the room he was in to find it wasn't his own but he didn't want to see who it did belong to, not after what happened. He brought his knees to rest under his chin while hugging his legs to his chest. He sniffled at thought of having to face Cole after what **They** had done.

What he had done.

Kai cried louder when that thought crossed his mind. His voice strong enough to block the sound of frantic footsteps in the hallway and the door sliding open. His breath hitched as a pair of arms wrapped around him in a secure embrace. Kai looked through his blurry vision to see Cole holding him close staring into his eyes. He whimpered as he tried to push the other away, he didn't deserve his consideration. "L-let me go..."

"No." Cole spoke sternly as he held him tighter.

"Why are you doing this?" Kai whispered, "Don't you hate me?" He felt the other move back at those words looking as if he had just been slapped.

"How could I ever hate you?" Cole questioned as he raised a hand to the brunette's face to wipe away his tears.

"I hurt you." Kai sniffled as he let more tears fall, "I hurt you for no reason and I don't want your forgiveness." He hung his head in shame, he just wanted this to end.

"Oh Kai, look at me." Cole lifted his chin so they could look each other in the eye, "I know it wasn't you-"

"How?" Kai interrupted quickly, he didn't like where this was going.

"Whoever it was didn't seem to like me very much so I asked Nya who it was. She explained everything." Of course she did, Nya knew everything about him. Especially who **They** were. "I'm sorry you had to live with them for so long."

"It's not your fault." Kai spoke surely, "It's mine."

"Kai, none of this was your fault, okay?" Cole smiled when he nodded before continuing, "I care about you too much to blame you for this."

"What?" Kai tilted his head to the side slightly, "What do you mean?"

Cole sighed shaking his head, but he was still smiling. "God, you are so cute. You know that, right?"

"C-Cute?" Kai stuttered feeling his face heat up, he was blushing so much.

"Yeah..." Cole smirked while leaning in closer to him, "So cute I want to do this." Without missing a beat, he pressed their lips together. He moved his arms to slip them around Kai's waist and bring them closer together. Kai made an embarrassed noise at both actions but allowed them to happen as he slowly wrapped his arms around Cole's shoulders, despite the pain it caused.

They pulled away to smile at each other before Cole re-connect their lips for another kiss. This one became more heated as he brushed along Kai's waist making the other gasp allowing him to slip his tongue into his mouth. Kai moaned as Cole's tongue probed his mouth, which made him blush more than ever.

This time when they separated Cole spoke with such sincerity that Kai wanted to cry, "I love you."

"I love you too." Kai smiled shyly before resting his head in the crook of the Cole's neck. "And thank you."

"For what?" Cole laughed as he felt Kai nuzzle the side of his face.

"For being here... With me."

 **Hope you enjoyed the fic. If you did make sure to leave a review, I love reading them.**

 **Until next time... KelpHero47**


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